I'm no spring chicken folks..

March 14th used to be my  favorite day. albert einstein and I share the same birthday, obviously because we're equally amazing! :)   I kid, I kid! the big 2-5. for whatever reason I was expecting some big "sha-bam".. maybe a huge surprise, or a huge wake up call.. a huge something,..I don't know exactly what  I was expecting, but I thought turning 25 would have some POP to it...turns out, it's no big deal.. I felt it was pretty significant, I'm not a kid anymore, time to get (more) serriioouusss. My dad left me a voice mail saying "look on the bright side- in 75 years you'll be 100" and laughed ridiculously. maybe he thinks it's hilarious but I find it terrifying. I guess the older you get, the smaller your circle gets, and the less important celebrating your age becomes. Well, it's noted,... now moving on....


Roller Derby. I can't tell you how emotional I get when I see movies/clips/scrimmages/bios about women competing in this intense sport. I have never wanted to be so good at something in a long time.  As someone who's competed athletically my entire life, I thought I'd have an upper hand going into this sport... HOW HUMBLING! I am struggling, and trying my hardest. I've always been great at everything I do, naturally athletic, but Roller Derby = hardest.shit.ever! no joke. It's hard not to get discouraged, and feel like I'm wasting my time, but I JUST started and I think I need to give myself some time to make mistakes, learn the sport, and wrap my head around it all. Oh, and the 1 hour 20 minute drive down there 2x a week kind of sucks a big one, but I WANT this, and I'm going to try my hardest!!! I have a new found respect for derby girls.. Not only are they amazing athletes, but I feel comfortable around them... I like that they come in all shapes and sizes, all athletic abilities, and they all have their own little "quirkiness".. So, I hope like hell I make it through these next 8 weeks! CROSS YOUR FINGERS!


EMT business... I took my state practical, and I'm 98% sure I passed. 3-5 weeks I get a letter in the mail saying that I passed and I can go take my state written exam, and once I pass that I am certified. Although I'm trying to qualify for financial aid for Paramedic school. That's another endeavor all in itself. I want to be great. I want to be financially independent for my entire adult life.... I want to be excellent and help people!


I've come to terms with my families problems with addiction, and thank goodness for my Aunt, little cousin Emma, and my Grampy, they are my saving grace, and I love them to death. On my way to derby I stop and spend time with Emma, and we play... and she reminds me what life is all about.


I woke up today to little notes posted all around the house. Kurt's mom left me birthday surprises everywhere, got me a few gifts, and a cake, and really went above and beyond to make me feel special,.....and man do I love that woman! <3


I've traveled for so much of my early adult life, I've made so many friends, and when I woke up and saw all of my happy birthday messages on FB I was so happy. I'm so blessed to have the amazing people I have in my life, here, and far away. So Thank You all! 


Now, I'm heading out to dinner w/Kurt for my birthday <3 excited for a little date! <3

some things never change EH!

so, I  haven't been blogging at all lately... here's a quick catch me up;


EMT school completed. SCORE! and now all I have to do is wait 3 weeks to take my state exam to get licensed, and then I can start working as an EMT -amen!


my hair is long. my diet is small. i need more tattoos. i mailed 6 valentines day cards to members in my family, kids cards got spongebob stickers and the adults got scratch tickets. let's hope my good deed comes back to me one day. showing la familia amor. <3


i've been working out a ton. 4x a week i run 2-2.5 miles, lift and i attend yoga classes on tuesdays. i started off working out to lose weight because i was feeling a little down, but then i realized i'm actually doing it to feel better about myself... feel healthy, and remember that it's important to treat your body well, as it's the only one i have.


but i have this constant plaguing thought, will i ever be happy with my self appearance? ever?! i lost 60 lbs, and then i wasn't even happy... and now, as a 24 year old strong independent woman i know i've got a HUGE  heart, loving soul, sarcastic sense of humor, and a clear head on my shoulders, all things i think make me beautiful.


extremely beautiful.


but why can't i get past this notion i'm supposed to look a certain way? hell, even if i was a size 4 would i ever be satisfied? who am i kidding?!?!!! 


i wil never be 100% comfortable with my appearance, and i'm not sure any woman will honestly admit they are. i'm beautiful,  aPublish Postnd although i'm told it often, i need to learn to believe it. i don't need anyones approval, i REFUSE to let anyone bring me down!!! 


on a side note, i'm sleeping in too late, and watching bad reality TV.... so I can't wait to get my EMT license and start wooooorkkkkkin. 


oh, and i start roller derby soon.
YES!

promises are everything,..

And when they arent kept, my heart breakes a little each time..

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schoool

Ok, so after my first week of EMT bootcamp Im exhausted... mentally. So much to cram in.

8 hours of class a day, after being out of school for 6yrs is rough.

But I am trying my hardest, and I passed my 1st A&P exam!! Yahoo.

Seriously considering fire fighting. Yess!

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oppossiitees

This whole, school from 8 to 4, and Kurt working 1to10pm is haarrdd and I am not a fan, BUT you do what you have to.

I am determined to work hard, study hard, eat healthier and make it to the gym.

2011 is going to be MY year, after many ups and downs, this ones mine!! xo

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opposition is a m'effer.

often times i wonder if my feelings are justified. i'm sure it's because when we face opposition we are constantly told we are wrong, and what we feel isn't valid - but it is...and more often than not i let what others think effect me, and i second guess my feelings.  who is to tell me how to feel? my feelings are just that- mine. they don't have to coincide with yours, or get your stamp of approval... they are what i feel.  black and white.  that is all there is to it.  


i think as women, we often second guess ourselves.  the moment someone voices an opinion that disagrees with ours we think "maybe they are right?" maybe it's because we aim to please. maybe it's just because i'm a push over. who knows? 


all i know is i used to be rock solid. stay true to myself, say what i feel, be who i am, and not let anyone tear me down.... but lately i feel torn down. tattered. i really wish i was as strong as i used to be...


on a side note, i can't stop listening to lcd soundsystem, and that really cheers me up. plus- it's the holidays! 


xo
linds

LCD Soundsystem-Dance Yrself Clean (w/lyrics) HQ

saturday morning photo shoot, <3

Cookies, PJs, and tree decorating oh my!

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fa la la la laaa...

so last night Kurt and I waited in line for 30 minutes to get a fire engine red wii for Jolie for christmas. along with super mario, and I AM SO EXCITED!  she always says how she wishes she had one at dads house,.. so now we do! can't wait for family game night! <3


tis the season... christmas eve-eve, with my family, then christmas with kurts,.. although i think christmas is WAY too commercial and we've kind of lost touch with WHY we celebrate, i think this is going to be one of the best christmas' of my adult life. i've never been a huge fan, but having Jolie and Emma in my life makes it all exciting. 




in other news, i start my EMT courses Jan 3rd, and I'm SUPER excited (and broke after paying for it) but, it's a great decision, and I'm reaadddyy! 


merry christmas/festivus to everyone!! <3 xoxo

doobie doobie dooo..

So, Im enjoying this Monday off, going fishing.. Kurt got laid off, of course right when I start working again. I feel like although we both want to be back in the city SO bad, it feels like its never gonna happen, but Im going to remain optimistic! Im gonna work work work, and as kurt and I both know, working in the union is hit or miss, so keep your fingers crossed.

On another note, I bought and am wearing the worlds warmest flannel, and I fit back in my skinny summer jeans.

Score!

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just a spoonful of sugar..

Baking is my new hobby. Homemade chocolate cake w/peanutbutter icing.. Halloween colored cupcakes made by Jolie and myself and lastly homemade apple pie

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emma love

I miss you tons!! loveloveLOVE

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KURRRTTYY, IF YOU READ MEEE....

I told Kurt I started a blog... Thinking he could care less...\

BUT- to my surprise a few minutes after telling him he asked to read.. so..Kurt..if you ever read this again... 

hello love xox

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dear mother nature,..

I really dislike how 5pm feels like 8pm. Naps.. soup.. sweatshirts - oh my! This month snuck up on me :-/

Before I know it I will find myself sledding I'm sure.

Please slow down the process!

Xo

Linds

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Real(plastic) housewives..

So, Im watching a Real Housewives marathon, and I can only think; is this what men really want? A plastic, starved, carbon copy? These women may have money, (largely due to their men) but the substance is lacking. Any ugly duckling can become a swan with plastic surgery... plastic surgery, jewelry, extensions, none of it is real. I hope WE as women dont get caught up in what TV portrays as beautiful.
Natural beauty is priceless. Embrace what makes you, you. A size 2 isnt average, and no ones DDs stand straight up @ 40. Real is beautiful.
I embrace my broad shoulders, my hips, my curves. I am not a stick figure, Im a beautiful sexy woman...and you are too! I have never had any complaints, only from myself when I let society distort my image, but I always have a supportive core who remind me I am sexy!


Cheers to the REAL beautiful women out there! Xo -Linds

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END Cyberbullying: Solutions for Parents

my life lately, is mundane..

thinking back over the years since 2004, when i graduated high school i can remember fun/crazy/stupid things i did.. joining the military, moving away @ 18, living in TX, NM, and GA.. and recently 06/2008 I moved back to Boston to be closer to family. seemed like the right move...and i think it was. 


i love boston, and all the city has to offer. music scene, tattooed ladies, the T, the ability to do anything anywhere,.. etc. etc. but since moving to boston I've only maintained 1 really strong friendship. part of me thinks it's because since losing my job i lost touch with co-workers i considered friends, and part of me thinks that it's just hard to make friends who you can count on in this city. it's all a front with certain people, you never know if it's genuine. or maybe it's me?


since losing my last job, that paid well, and i loved... my lease ended in Allston and I had to move in with Kurt and his parents (ughhh please DONT get me started) and it's kind of secluded out here on the south shore. not much to do. old fogies. people hate my tattoos. no young scene. blah blah blah. whine whine. but seriously, i'm grateful for kurt, whose so loving and supportive, and his parents who adore me. they're teaching me how to fix my car (yes i bought a little beater since moving out here), how to cook, and odds and ends...and it's fun. were saving money to move to DOT, and when I'm not at work I'm spending time with my family. well , my second family;


my mother is an alcoholic. i never met my birth father. because of my mothers condition she kept a safe distance from everyone in her family. which meant i was raised from a distance. she was 19 when she got pregnant, and i was always on my own. i can thank her for introducing me to elton john, eric clapton, fleetwood mac, bruce springstein, etc etc... but i tend to pull away from people and i have a hard time remaining close with friends. 


i'm an extremely giving/loving person, and i want people to love and care for me as i do them. anyone feel my pain? or am i just a little crazy? haha.. 


i tend to think that i moved away to grow up on my own... realize whats important to me.. and to come home and  try to be as close as possible with my family.  i just hope i can reconnect with old friends...and make some new ones!


i guess all in all, im just blessed to have the people in my life i do, but i'm a pretty fun gal, and i'm ready to add to my circle... 


xo -linds

10 Millionth times a charm..

testing, testing....1, 2, 3..
ok... i hope this is working. i am NO computer whiz, let me tell you (i like to think i'm knowledgable in  a little of everything, but this proved me wrong). trying to pick a layout, and edit a template was driving me mad, so i started to give up. i'll spruce this blog baby up, all in good time. don't you worry.  ;)


after reading a friends blog (shout outs to cristin xo), i decided this is something i've wanted to do for a while, and why not pour my heart out, to the few people who actually give a damn?! it's; a. therapeutic b.vain and c.a great little time killer. 


so take nothing too seriously...eat your heart out...and feel free to share your opinion. 


things i'm sure will come up often;  tattoos, my love for art, music, movies, friends i miss, thinking about re-enlisting in the air force, my boyfriend and his wonderful daughter, my cooking endeavors, panic attacks after they happen, celebrity gossip, make up, feeling isolated from 20somethings, crafty beers, people who suck, new books i read, basketball, my job, and a whole bunch of nonsense in between. 

xo
linds