I'm no spring chicken folks..

March 14th used to be my  favorite day. albert einstein and I share the same birthday, obviously because we're equally amazing! :)   I kid, I kid! the big 2-5. for whatever reason I was expecting some big "sha-bam".. maybe a huge surprise, or a huge wake up call.. a huge something,..I don't know exactly what  I was expecting, but I thought turning 25 would have some POP to it...turns out, it's no big deal.. I felt it was pretty significant, I'm not a kid anymore, time to get (more) serriioouusss. My dad left me a voice mail saying "look on the bright side- in 75 years you'll be 100" and laughed ridiculously. maybe he thinks it's hilarious but I find it terrifying. I guess the older you get, the smaller your circle gets, and the less important celebrating your age becomes. Well, it's noted,... now moving on....


Roller Derby. I can't tell you how emotional I get when I see movies/clips/scrimmages/bios about women competing in this intense sport. I have never wanted to be so good at something in a long time.  As someone who's competed athletically my entire life, I thought I'd have an upper hand going into this sport... HOW HUMBLING! I am struggling, and trying my hardest. I've always been great at everything I do, naturally athletic, but Roller Derby = hardest.shit.ever! no joke. It's hard not to get discouraged, and feel like I'm wasting my time, but I JUST started and I think I need to give myself some time to make mistakes, learn the sport, and wrap my head around it all. Oh, and the 1 hour 20 minute drive down there 2x a week kind of sucks a big one, but I WANT this, and I'm going to try my hardest!!! I have a new found respect for derby girls.. Not only are they amazing athletes, but I feel comfortable around them... I like that they come in all shapes and sizes, all athletic abilities, and they all have their own little "quirkiness".. So, I hope like hell I make it through these next 8 weeks! CROSS YOUR FINGERS!


EMT business... I took my state practical, and I'm 98% sure I passed. 3-5 weeks I get a letter in the mail saying that I passed and I can go take my state written exam, and once I pass that I am certified. Although I'm trying to qualify for financial aid for Paramedic school. That's another endeavor all in itself. I want to be great. I want to be financially independent for my entire adult life.... I want to be excellent and help people!


I've come to terms with my families problems with addiction, and thank goodness for my Aunt, little cousin Emma, and my Grampy, they are my saving grace, and I love them to death. On my way to derby I stop and spend time with Emma, and we play... and she reminds me what life is all about.


I woke up today to little notes posted all around the house. Kurt's mom left me birthday surprises everywhere, got me a few gifts, and a cake, and really went above and beyond to make me feel special,.....and man do I love that woman! <3


I've traveled for so much of my early adult life, I've made so many friends, and when I woke up and saw all of my happy birthday messages on FB I was so happy. I'm so blessed to have the amazing people I have in my life, here, and far away. So Thank You all! 


Now, I'm heading out to dinner w/Kurt for my birthday <3 excited for a little date! <3

some things never change EH!

so, I  haven't been blogging at all lately... here's a quick catch me up;


EMT school completed. SCORE! and now all I have to do is wait 3 weeks to take my state exam to get licensed, and then I can start working as an EMT -amen!


my hair is long. my diet is small. i need more tattoos. i mailed 6 valentines day cards to members in my family, kids cards got spongebob stickers and the adults got scratch tickets. let's hope my good deed comes back to me one day. showing la familia amor. <3


i've been working out a ton. 4x a week i run 2-2.5 miles, lift and i attend yoga classes on tuesdays. i started off working out to lose weight because i was feeling a little down, but then i realized i'm actually doing it to feel better about myself... feel healthy, and remember that it's important to treat your body well, as it's the only one i have.


but i have this constant plaguing thought, will i ever be happy with my self appearance? ever?! i lost 60 lbs, and then i wasn't even happy... and now, as a 24 year old strong independent woman i know i've got a HUGE  heart, loving soul, sarcastic sense of humor, and a clear head on my shoulders, all things i think make me beautiful.


extremely beautiful.


but why can't i get past this notion i'm supposed to look a certain way? hell, even if i was a size 4 would i ever be satisfied? who am i kidding?!?!!! 


i wil never be 100% comfortable with my appearance, and i'm not sure any woman will honestly admit they are. i'm beautiful,  aPublish Postnd although i'm told it often, i need to learn to believe it. i don't need anyones approval, i REFUSE to let anyone bring me down!!! 


on a side note, i'm sleeping in too late, and watching bad reality TV.... so I can't wait to get my EMT license and start wooooorkkkkkin. 


oh, and i start roller derby soon.
YES!

promises are everything,..

And when they arent kept, my heart breakes a little each time..

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schoool

Ok, so after my first week of EMT bootcamp Im exhausted... mentally. So much to cram in.

8 hours of class a day, after being out of school for 6yrs is rough.

But I am trying my hardest, and I passed my 1st A&P exam!! Yahoo.

Seriously considering fire fighting. Yess!

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oppossiitees

This whole, school from 8 to 4, and Kurt working 1to10pm is haarrdd and I am not a fan, BUT you do what you have to.

I am determined to work hard, study hard, eat healthier and make it to the gym.

2011 is going to be MY year, after many ups and downs, this ones mine!! xo

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